I have no idea what this guy does for a living. Perhaps he is a Whale Feces Researcher.  Or a Fat Farm Fold Inspector. An Elephant vasectomist. Joe Biden's teleprompter operator. Whatever it is, it must be nasty and thankless, as the gentlemen I refer to tried to commit suicide twice in a single commute to work on a recent morning.

On Tuesday, January 8th, according to Pennsylvania State police, a man tried to kill himself on Interstate 79 in southwestern Pennsylvania before going to work. Twice.

The first attempt came around 7:45 in the morning, about 15 miles south of Pittsburgh. The unidentified 22 year old tried to “end his life by jumping out of a moving vehicle that was driving him to work”. Apparently, by all accounts that attempt was unsuccessful, because a mere 30 minutes later the man tried again.

The second attempt, in my view lacked imagination and a certain inspiration, but it technically sounds like it had the potential for success. For this round, he stepped over a guide rail, directly into the path of a tractor-trailer. The truck tried to avoid the man, but could not quite do so. The resulting collision knocked the man out of his shoes. I would presume it also soiled the truck drivers undies, but no mention was made of that in the report.

According to police, the man rose after being struck, picked up his shoes, slid down a hillside and walked to work.

Duh. Of course he walked to work. If you've been paying attention you'd know his ride dropped him off half an hour ago.

What a strange story – even for my blog. Generally, when someone leaps from my car while it is moving at a high rate of speed – and that sort of thing happens more often than you might think – I stop the vehicle to see if I may assist in some manner. Perhaps I would even call authorities, so that they wouldn't be left wandering around for half an hour trying to figure out their next bone headed move. In this case we can only presume the car kept driving. Perhaps they didn't notice. Perhaps they didn't care. We'll never know.

And what of other drivers? In this era of mobile communication technology, surely one person, who by happenstance might have noticed a live person jumping from a moving vehicle on the interstate at rush hour, would have called 911 to suggest a closer looksie from the police. Did that happen? Well, it is Pittsburgh, after all. Most people there probably figured he either had it coming or could just walk it off and be ok.

In the end, the man was flown from his workplace to the hospital. There is no word on his physical condition. We're pretty sure of his mental condition, however. We also know he must have a terrible job. A really terrible job. But even worse, when he gets better, he will likely have trouble finding an acceptable car pool.

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