I received an unexpected “gift” two days before Christmas. FedEx delivered a package to me that turned out to be a “glitter bomb.” A glitter bomb is an unlabeled and innocuous looking device that is designed to expel large quantities of glitter across a room when opened. This particular glitter bomb was sent by a company that offers to anonymously send a variety of prank items specifically intended to “ruin the day” for people who have wronged you, or whom you otherwise detest.
Unfortunately for our would-be prankster, things did not really work out as they likely intended. They should get their money back.
My apparent foe sent the package to my attention at the PO Box listed as the mailing address for our company. The vendor used FedEx to deliver the package, which they could not deliver to a PO Box. FedEx called me to redirect the package, and it was ultimately delivered to my residence.
What I received was a shipping envelope from “Nostalgic, Inc.” Inside the envelope was an unmarked red tube, with plastic caps on each end. The cap on one end was secured into position with industrial style staples. The cap on the other end was held in place by a single piece of strapping tape (In hindsight, people in law enforcement would call that “a clue”). When I went to open the tube, I was standing over a relatively confined counter of our kitchen. It is best described as a “nook,” with walls on two sides and on the back side a pass-through window that opens onto our lanai.
As I started to take the unstapled cap off the one end, I was holding it with fingers all around, with the result that the end of the device was “cupped’ within my hand. As I gently pulled at the cap, the pressurized contents popped out. The plastic cap was pushed against the palm of my hand and several ounces of bright green glitter shot out of the tube. Most of it hit my hand and fell in a pile onto the counter below. Some of it scattered onto the counter, and a tiny bit fell on the floor at my feet. Also contained in the “package” were two round tabs proclaiming that my “day had been ruined.” It even gave me a web address where I could check to see if the sender left me a message (they didn’t).
I so hate to disappoint my anonymous enemy, but the position of my hand blocked the intended room wide dispersion of this glitter. It took all of a whopping 60 seconds to sweep the glitter up and throw their warped intentions into the trash.
Sorry.
I spent a bit of time reviewing the website of the company who sends these contraptions. My anonymous friend spent about 20 dollars to have this particular glitter bomb sent to me. They had a wide selection to choose from, as the company will also send feces, or even feces scented glitter bombs. Those cost extra, of course.
My concern is that this company is sending unmarked, unlabeled items that are spring loaded and disperse thousands of particles at a high velocity. This is frankly dangerous, as the discharged matter could harm eyes or other body parts, as well as damage electronic equipment or other items in the area. The company is based in New York, and I intend to file a complaint with the New York Division of Consumer Protection. Since these items are shipped across state lines, I will also file a complaint with the United States Consumer Product Safety Commission. These things should be labeled to warn recipients that contents are under pressure and eye protection should be worn.
That would of course ruin the concept, but that is not really my problem. I also intend to question FedEx, to see if they are aware that they are willingly transporting dangerous devices that could hurt people and damage property.
So, who sent me the package? That is a great question, as I can’t think of anyone I have wronged. An obvious candidate might be an angry injured worker who had a bad experience in the comp system (or believes they have had a bad experience in the comp system), and who mistakenly has identified me as the person responsible for their issues. It wouldn’t be the first time for that. I’ve received recorded threats and other messages from people who either believe I run the entire comp system or am a mouthpiece that supports and protects an “evil workers’ comp system that intentionally kills and maims thousands of injured workers every day.”
Hey, I didn’t say they were rational accusations. I once did the math for an Angry Injured Worker (AIW), who was categorized as a member of the Batshit Crazy Subset (BCS). They had claimed the system intentionally kills or maims thousands of workers a day. When I extrapolated the numbers they “cited,” it would have meant that our entire nation – men, women and children, would have been dead or disabled in under 5 years.
I guess that would be pretty evil.
The reality is that I don’t know who sent this package, but it was a valuable lesson for me in regard to opening unknown packages. I hope that makes it worth the twenty bucks they spent in the effort. If not, they should get their money back.
After all, there is no reason their day should be ruined over this.