It was revealed this week that the website, a dating service dedicated to the mutual pairing of only the world's most beautiful people, has apparently been hacked and the private data of more than one million gorgeous users leaked.

I sure hope my data is safe. It's Home Depot and Target all over again.

The hackers are said to have obtained addresses, sexual preferences and incomes, as well as millions of private messages. The info is being sold online by the hackers, where even ugly people can get their pudgy, disgusting little hands on it. 

According to the source story, “ claims to exclude unattractive people by having existing members rate those trying to sign up. Prospective members must pass a certain ratings threshold to be allowed on the website: millions have been denied access, the company says, while thousands of members have been removed for gaining weight after joining.” The Managing Director of the site has been quoted as saying, “People are fed up wasting time and money meeting unattractive people on the net.”

I've certainly been baffled about my rejection from the site. I suspect the problem was with my submitted profile picture, seen to the left. I realize now what was wrong. I shouldn't have worn the blue shirt.

To be truthful, I had no idea there was a dating service dedicated to banishing fatties and uggos. While this may seem somewhat discriminatory against those of us who no longer have a neck, or whose eyes have bags so large their nose looks like a packhorse, it is just an electronic way for shallow people to practice natural selection. While the people who use that site might be vacuous and superficial, at least they know what they want.

A mirror, and someone to admire them in it.

I certainly don't condone hacking, but a small, hidden part of me, buried deep within the folds of fat that would contribute to my failure to qualify for, feels a little tinge of satisfaction learning that a group of pretentious snots suddenly has a list of their sexual preferences on the open market. I sort of felt the same way when Ashley Madison, a website that encourages married people to have an affair, was hacked. That breach, possibly brought on by the company founder claiming their systems were “bulletproof” and impervious to hackers, had to contribute to some very fascinating dinner conversation in many households around the world.

The truth is, nothing is 100% impenetrable, and everything can be hacked. The weakest link is often poor password construction or employees being tricked into sharing access information. Still, sites like the ones I am discussing here almost invite these sort of attacks simply by their illicit or exclusive nature. And as the Ashley Madison case would show us, hubris before hackers is an open invitation to challenge one's naïve assumptions. 

I would hope, if you are a subscriber to, that you do not take offense at the allusion to your being vacuous or superficial. I'm talking about all the other members of, not you. This would especially hold true if you are one of our customers. Clearly your depth and brilliance in that case would be easily recognized. It's true that your most personal data is now out there for the asking, but look on the bright side; no matter how embarrassing that breach may be, dahling, you still look mahvelous……

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