Workplace injuries can occur at the most unusual times, as well as in the most unexpected ways. This was evident in Vermont last week during what can only be described as a daring daylight underwear heist. 

A New York woman was arrested in Rutland, VT after she allegedly bit an employee of a TJ Maxx retail outlet. The assault is said to have occurred after he attempted to retrieve underwear she had allegedly stolen from the store. The Loss Prevention officer told police the woman kicked him, slapped his glasses off his face and bit his thumb while he was trying to retrieve the ill gotten booty booty. 

I initially thought the problem was that she might have been wearing it at the time, but that was not the case. The employee stated that he had taken her purse to check for the stolen underwear. Police say he retrieved the underwear, valued at $21.50, from the woman's bag.

I daresay if, she had been wearing it, the retail value would have been reduced significantly. I don’t know what kind of underwear it was, but if I were to travel to Vermont in December for the sole purpose of lifting tidy whities they would damn sure be long and insulated. But then again, I am a thin skinned Florida boy. 

But I digress…. 

The Rutland Herald reports the 33-year-old woman from White Plains, New York, will be arraigned on Dec. 14 on misdemeanor charges of retail theft and simple assault. If convicted, she faces a maximum sentence of more than one year in prison. The paper did not report on the status of the employees injuries, or the disability level of the savaged thumb.

Good thing this happened in Vermont. In Oklahoma some retailers who have Opted Out do not cover physical assaults under their “responsible” plans. Perhaps the woman should have traveled there to steal underwear. Employees may be less motivated to confront people who engage is such behavior.

It is a good reminder to all employees that protecting material property is not worth risking physical injury. In other words, when you are chasing someone who has stolen items for butt covering, you best make sure your own butt is covered.

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