Ok, it is Friday; after two back to back conferences I took ill Wednesday, and although I have slogged in to work the past couple days, I am comped and conferenced out. Today's missive has nothing to do with workers' compensation.


A California woman visiting the Madison, Wisconsin zoo Saturday demonstrated that the Darwin effect is alive and well, and that while we cannot ever possibly hope to fix “stupid”, we can from time to time deliver a jarring reminder as to its limitations. The 24 year old woman from San Luis Obispo was cited by police after she tried to enter a giraffe enclosure at the zoo. She climbed over one fence and “almost got over the second fence” encircling the enclosure. She would have made, too, if she had not encountered a 2 year-old, 12 foot tall giraffe named Wally.

Wally approached the woman, gave her a welcoming lick, and then turned and kicked her in the face.

It was probably her prom night all over again.

The police say she told them she climbed into the exhibit because she” loves giraffes”. It is unfortunate that the feeling is not evidently mutual. However, as is so often the case with Darwinially challenged lovers, this rejection will likely only serve to increase her passion to be with her desired. Wally better hire extra security.

Her injuries were not life threatening, which is fortunate for her, since according to zookeepers giraffes are capable of killing lions. The citation she was given was in the amount of $686, which is the going rate for harassing giraffes.

I sincerely hope this young Juliet learned something from her encounter with Wally the giraffe. There is a reason we call them wild animals. There is a reason we build fences. And Wally has a better understanding of that than she does. After all, he probably saved her life. By stopping her before she gained access to the enclosure, he likely prevented her serious injury or death by one of the other giraffes. Without his intervention, they could have stomped that little moron into oblivion, spoiling the zoo visit for countless onlookers, costing the zoo expensive refunds and complimentary ice cream, as well as depriving society of yet another Darwinian exemplifier.

In comparison by golly, Wally's folly seems downright jolly.

The most crucial lesson of all is this; earning the love of a giraffe is difficult, and is not something worth sticking your neck out for.

Either that or I shouldn't write while heavily medicated. Whichever.

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