This is a tale of true love. A story about a man and a woman; a man who loved his fiancé deeply, and a woman, taken too soon by cancer, who loved her job. 

She wanted her cremated remains scattered where she had spent many an enjoyable hour at the place where she worked. He was simply committed to seeing out her last wishes. And so it was – a beautiful, tender moment where her ashes were scattered in the place she loved so much.

At LensCrafters. 

In the mall. 

Too bad he didn't think to mention this to someone first.

The police, firefighters and hazmat people who responded to the suspected terror attack were not amused. Neither were the merchants in the mall, which was closed for more than two hours last Tuesday here in Sarasota, FL. Their customers and employees were trapped by the lockdown, with everyone being told to “shelter in place”. 

Now, one would think that when 65 year old Thomas Morin arrived at the LensCrafters location, he might have mentioned something to a manager or employee before he started hurling his fiancés remains to and fro. Instead, he apparently walked into the store and simply started scattering her ashes about the establishment. It is ironic the people of LensCrafters never saw this coming. Clearly he did not think this through all the way. His actions brought 25 police, 10 fire trucks and the FBI, who helped identify the material being distributed.

Even if there had not been such an unexpected reaction to the scattering, this was not a well executed endeavor. After all, at some point the cleaning crew would be coming through, and someone would end up vacuuming her ass up. Literally. What the vacuum missed the mop was sure to get. At the end of the day she would likely be flushed into the local wastewater system.

At least she would finally make it to the Gulf, which she apparently also loved. 

Seriously, who actually thought this was a good idea? I love my job, but trust me, this is the last place I would want my ashes scattered. And not because I am afraid they would be vacuumed up. Our cleaning crew sucks – take my word, I would be here forever. No, I just don't believe that the office should be a final resting place. Granted, we have one or two areas that appear as final resting places, it's just the bodies haven't been cremated yet. At 5:00 every day we experience a minor miracle, as those bodies spring to life and head for the door. But, no, once we have clocked out for good, this is not the place anyone will wish to remain for eternity.

Both my wife and I are planning to be cremated. My wife once told me, if she goes first, that she wants to be “scattered across the four corners of the earth”. I told her no problem, I would call FedEx. Comments like that virtually ensure that she will NOT be the one going first.  But I digress…..

Our broken hearted Mr. Morin will not be facing any criminal charges for this unfortunate incident. He will, however, be undergoing grief counseling. That is a good idea. It is always wise to seek professional help after you've been burned by a recent cremation.

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