Well, it has been another banner week in the news. This week saw the culmination of the latest and greatest “most important election in our lifetime,” one that had just a couple eyebrow raising moments. A man ignored a robbery in progress at a convenience store in order to buy snack chips. Yet another person fell through the roof of a restaurant, and a Supreme Court Justice injured herself on the job.
The 2018 midterm election is now behind us. Voters across America turned out in record numbers to simultaneously express their outrage over and love for Donald Trump (it largely depends on who you ask). In classic American form, we added more Republicans to the Senate while adding more Democrats to the house, assuring peak efficiency of our government over the next two years.
Now that I think about it, Congress really won’t be all that different from the last two years.
But, proving the old adage “In politics, all things are local” true, two specifically regional races offer a lesson in either the problems of pure partisanship or the degradation of our educational systems; perhaps some semblance of both. We already covered the election in Nevada where a brothel owning pimp was elected to the state’s legislature despite the fact that he had died a month before the election. That wasn’t the only election that should be a concern. In Orange County, Florida (Orlando area) a man came very close to being elected Sheriff, despite the fact that his only real experience in law enforcement were his 13 arrests for various offenses ranging “from battery to motor-vehicle theft to driving with a suspended license.” His campaign was being investigated for reporting anomalies, and he was accused of faking twitter posts showing Donald Trump endorsed his opponents. He was the only Democrat candidate for sheriff on the ballot. The Orlando Sentinel called him “a complete fraud.”
And he received 184,088 votes, coming within 5 percentage points of winning.
A scathing commentary in the Orlando Sentinel calls those voters “mindless droids,” and suggests they all move to “Kyrgyzstan and never vote again.” I’m inclined to agree. I used to say that it doesn’t matter who you vote for, just as long as you exercise your civic duty and vote. I don’t say that anymore. Recent elections would show us that we would be better off if the grossly uninformed would stay home and play Nintendo. We would be even better off if the grossly uninformed would bother to educate themselves before they step into a voting booth.
But enough about election politics, elsewhere in the absurd:
It is a brief article and does not even identify the location of the crime, but a video making its viral rounds shows a customer who walked in on a convenience store robbery was far more interested in getting his snacks than he was with the robbery itself. In the video, the customer, who we will refer to as “Iron Balls McGinty,” walks through the door as the exiting robber points a gun at his head. The customer does not seem too terribly concerned with that little act, as he glances at him scornfully and proceeds to walk right to the snack aisle. It is a short video, but definitely seems to meet the qualifications of the absurd.
Old Iron Balls is either the bravest man on earth, or the dumbest. Perhaps both. Perhaps he is an Orange County partisan. We just don’t know, which means we also are qualified to vote.
Last week we reviewed a story where a half-naked woman fell through the roof of a BBQ restaurant in Tennessee. Never one to let itself be outdone by mere amateurs of the absurd, Waffle House responded this week with a man not only crashing through the roof into the dining room but beating up customers as he tried to leave the building. You can watch the profanity laced video here. I should mention the profanity appears to be coming from a Waffle House employee, and not the crazed ceiling crawling customer.
Authorities say he got into the ceiling via the bathroom where he had locked himself and broken both the sink and toilet. So, in other words, it was a pretty normal day at Waffle House.
On Wednesday, 85-year-old Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg fell in her office at the court and fractured three ribs. According to a statement, “She went home, but after experiencing discomfort overnight, went to George Washington University Hospital early [Thursday] morning. Tests showed that she fractured three ribs on her left side and she was admitted for observation and treatment.”
On an unrelated note, dry cleaners across the nation saw a huge increase in business this week as 60,000,000 liberals collectively soiled their pants.
This is the second time Justice Ginsburg has broken ribs while on the job. In June 2012, she fractured two ribs in a fall. She did not disclose that incident for several months.
There was no word as to whether that workers’ comp claim was denied for untimely filing.
A note of the non-absurd: Next week is Kids’ Chance Awareness Week, and this blog will be committed every day to introducing you to Kids’ Chance and a few of the many kids’ whose lives have been positively impacted by this outstanding organization. Please stop by to acquaint yourself and learn how you can help improve the lives of families impacted by a workplace tragedy.