Where to go when you've got to go? Not, it seems in a Malaysian river. A foreign worker in Pending, Sarawack, Malaysia was severely bitten on the buttocks by a crocodile while he was defecating in a river next to his worksite.

I bet that scared the crap out of him. 

The croc, measuring about 5 feet in length, mauled him in the buttockal and lower back region, after he dropped his pants and squatted by the river. He repeatedly punched the animal until it released its grip and returned to the river, presumably to floss and gargle.

The man, an Indonesian national whose name is Pai, said he left his worksite and “went to the edge of a river to defecate after experiencing stomach pains.” There was a real toilet across the river, but he did not think he could make it. 

I recognize that some of you will go back and look at the title of this article and realize that it does not mean what you originally thought it meant. Admittedly, I am a sucker for a cute play on words, but that was all I could come up with without being blatantly offensive in the headline itself. I realize I rarely seem concerned with being offensive within the article, but that is different. You've had a chance to come in, take your shoes off, get all comfy, and are better prepared to accept my “on the edge” verbiage and pomposity. Now you are ready to go back, look at the headline and say, “Wow, that is blatantly offensive”.

It is difficult at times to walk that fine line, but when a worker enrages a crocodile by pooping on his head, you work with what you've got. 

The unfortunate subject of our story made his way back to the worksite after the incident, and his co-workers rushed him to a hospital for treatment. I am not sure if he will be entitled to a Malaysian version of workers' compensation benefits, but I suspect that at least part of the “coming and going” rule will need to be liberally interpreted here. 

The bottom line to this story is the poor guy had gas, and he got bit in the ass. He might have stopped working for a quick break, but (literally) in the end it was the croc that got a piece of Pai.