Well, it’s Friday, and time to shrug off the consistently negative news in exchange for a little lighter fare. And when it comes to a little useless information, I’m sure you’ll agree there is no place better than my blog. Especially, as is so often the case, when we find two ridiculous studies that merge to give us a story.

I wonder who funds some of this odd research. We should do a study on that sometime.

Anywhoo, there was a study out this past week that showed 14% of Americans have had sex in their place of work. Another study showed that people who eat seafood engage in sex far more often than those who don’t. That probably means that employers who serve salmon in the cafeteria have a vastly increased chance of someone cracking the glass on the Xerox machine. 

And that cannot be good for anybody.

The study on sex in the workplace showed that almost 20 percent of those who had engaged in cubicle coitus have been caught in the act, and 34 percent who have engaged in workplace sex with a supervisor have “done it to gain favor and climb the ladder at work.” It also found that 34 percent of workplace romances “involve somebody who is already married or engaged to somebody else.”

The other study, correlating seafood consumption with frequency of intercourse, found that “couples had 39 percent higher odds of having sex on days when both partners ate seafood.” Apparently, seafood also made them more fertile, as by the end of the study “92 percent of couples who ate seafood more than twice a week had conceived, compared to 79 percent of couples who ate less fish and shellfish. The association between seafood and fertility remained even after accounting for how frequently couples had sex.”

I don’t even know where to begin here. 

So, lots of people are having sex at work, and seafood increases sexual activity. Neither study mentions the monitoring of safe sex practices, so combining this data could bring a whole new meaning to the phrase “The Deadliest Catch.” I am also reminded of an email we received at WorkersCompensation.com several years ago.

I often speak about the rampant confusion in the general population about what workers’ compensation is and how it works. That was highlighted one day when we received an email from a woman who informed us that she was pregnant and wanted to know if that meant she was entitled to workers’ compensation. I wanted to respond by telling her “only if the accident happened at work.” Fortunately, I have people who usually talk me down from these types of responses. Still, these studies may mean that exposures for employers are real.

I know of at least one instance where an employer was required to pay for treatment of an employee’s venereal disease that he contracted from a co-worker on his lunch break. Paying for a workplace pregnancy can’t be far behind. This means that, given the apparent risks, employers should revise their list of mandatory safety equipment.

I shouldn’t have to provide too much detail on that. 

It also would suggest that you may want to ban Fish N’ Chips in the commissary. And if you’re the boss in the #MeToo era, you definitely want to get rid of that fold out couch in your office (sadly I actually have one of those couches in my office. Also, sadly it’s never been used). 

It is amazing the workplace perils that can be presented through otherwise useless research. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, although you may want to start popping in to the janitorial closet a bit more often. Unless you are one of the 14 percent who engages in workplace whoopie. In that case you may want to stay out of that closet, since I just advised others to check there more often. 

While you are doing that, I’ll be having lunch at Long John Silvers. On an unrelated note, I now think I know why they named it Long John Silvers.

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