An article run Wednesday here in the CompNewsNetwork caught my eye, as it referenced a topic on which I have opined in the past – Workplace Bullying. For the record, I do not support Workplace Bullying, or by extension individual workplace bullies. However, my stance on the situation overall likely lands me somewhere in the realm of suspicion of the anti-bully crowd. To put it bluntly, my solution for dealing with a bully in the workplace, kicking the office bully down a flight of stairs, is apparently “too dramatic” for the ultra-wussified workplace of today’s snowflake workforce. No, to some, that solution seems like a bullying tactic in itself.

So if I have to be a bully to a bullying bully, well, then bully to that.

Anyhoo, the article, available here, tells us that the “Workplace Bullying Institute” is recognizing the week of October 16-22, 2016 as “Freedom from Workplace Bullies Week.” 

I was not even aware bullies had their own institute. Perhaps it is an education and outreach organization, offering 2 and 4 year degrees in various forms of bullying. I’ve known some people who probably graduated with honors there – maybe Noogie Cum Laude or something similar. Alternately, it may serve as a lobbying organization for bullies, similar to what the NRA does for God fearing, flag waving, patriotic ‘mericans known to the left as bullies with guns (Disclosure: I am a member of the NRA, so holster your weapons and stand down. I’m joking, except the left really does see us that way). Either way, it is good to have an organization looking out for the interests of bullies. They seem to be getting picked on quite a bit, lately.

So, next week is “Freedom from Workplace Bullies Week.” This can only mean one thing. Since we can’t tell bullies to stop bullying us, lest we risk a toilet swirly, a titty twister or the much more advanced purple nurple, then the only logical conclusion is that everyone is going to have to give their office bullies the week off. This will let the rest of us bask in the stress free environment that promotes love and understanding while leaving our safe places blessedly vacant. It will be wonderful – except someone is going to have to pick up the workload for those bullies not in the office next week. Come to think of it, everyone left will probably have to plan for some overtime, because we are not going to let this drag us behind. Cancel your vacations and personal days, people, this is going to be rougher than we thought.

Thank God the bullies will be back the next week. That was a close one. 

I, like many of you, have had to deal with bullies from time to time in my life. My experience started early, as we had a neighborhood bully on our block. My brother, who is 13 years my senior, loves to recount a story from when I was around 5 or 6 years old. One day I came in to the house crying because this bully had been picking on me. My brother simply told me to hit him in the head with a baseball bat.

And apparently that is what I did.

Later that afternoon he heard a scream out front, and saw the bully running down the street with me in hot pursuit, waving a plastic baseball bat feverishly around over my head. I don’t remember the incident, but neighborhood lore was that the bully was my problem no more. He was someone else’s bully now.

Clearly the Workplace Bullying Institute is not an institute for workplace bullies. And the reality is that bullies aren’t going to get the week off. I still don’t think that awareness and sensitivity will be the complete fix to the problem of workplace oppressors. That may help, but the real solution for the problem will be when people learn to stand their ground and stop enabling the harriers of the world. 

Maybe what we need is a “Kick Your Bully in the Crotch Week”. Then we’d be getting somewhere.


On an unrelated note, you can see how the University of Houston is willing to work to reduce a hostile environment for their kids in this sad, yet pitifully funny video:


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