Be forewarned. This adult themed post is not for the overly sensitive or faint of heart, so go back to your knitting if that is the case. You've been warned.

I sometimes feel sorry for Waffle House. The 1,700 location restaurant chain, known primarily throughout the south for fast and convenient breakfasts served round the clock, is simply trying to make its way through the 24 hour day; feeding customers and earning a meager profit.  Yet try as they might to just do their job and get through the day with eggs and smothered hash browns, weird things happen there.

Sometimes those weird things are stupid things, like on April 1, 2013 when a Waffle House employee called police to report an armed robbery, and then yelled “April Fools” to responding police officers.

Or in 2011, when a man drove his truck through a Florida Waffle House, trying to kill his wife who was a server there.

Or there was the time an Augusta, GA air conditioner repairman found a man living on top of the Waffle House he was working on.

There was also the time a customer in the parking lot of a Tennessee Waffle House got hit by three “dine and dash” teenagers. He got trapped on the hood of their car as they sped off. He managed to dial police while holding on to the hood at speeds up to 60 mph.

Even the company's CEO was embroiled in a lawsuit and countersuit a few years ago over lurid allegations of sexual harassment in what he himself termed “an infrequent, but consistent, series of consensual non-intercourse sexual encounters”.  (That one is worth reading – both here and here)

But those things seem to pale in comparison with the latest Waffle House incident earlier this month. On a Monday, around lunchtime, at a Georgia Waffle House with two employees on duty, a male employee announced to his female co-worker that he was “about to masturbate”.

Then he proved himself a man of his word.

When the female co-worker realized what he was actually doing, she did what any red blooded American would do in this age of wireless technology. She recorded it on her cell phone, telling the man he was a pervert (Really? And recording it was normal how???). In his defense, her male co-worker responded by denying perversion, stating that he was merely a “freak”.

Glad we cleared that up.

Now, I don't mean to be crass, and in fact will attempt to be as delicate as possible. If this was a regular occurrence with this fellow, the company may be looking at some type of repetitive stress or carpal tunnel claim. I have no idea if any such claim was filed over this type of behavior. And while there would be serious questions about whether an injury of this nature would be arising out of the course and scope of employment, there would be little doubt that he would have been using equipment known in a more liberal interpretation of the going and coming rule.

I sense I've crossed a line somewhere.

The woman who recorded the self amusement session told authorities that the video “somehow ended up on Facebook”. It probably got there because the internet is on the computer now.

I love the Deep South.

Short story long, the video went viral, the folks at Corporate got wind of it, and the man was summarily terminated from his position.

The woman then decided to report the entire incident to authorities, as she was afraid of the potential for retaliation. It is a good thing for us that she did; otherwise the entire incident may have been lost to history.

One thing is certain. They may want to invest in a few more “Employees Must Wash Hands When You Are Through Doin' Whatever It Is Ya'll Are Doin” signs. A few of those hanging around the restaurant probably wouldn't be a bad thing.

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