An Oklahoma woman on Monday had a remarkable first day on the job. She met new people, got new pants, got to ride in a police car, and made a lasting first day impression that few people ever achieve. She was a newly hired teacher for Wagoner Public Schools in Wagoner, Oklahoma, and was slated to teach young skulls full of mush at Wagoner High School. Unfortunately, her orientation did not go as originally planned. On the first in service day back at school, she was found by two other teachers in a classroom that she insisted was her own. She was apparently intoxicated and not wearing any pants.

I sincerely hope that she was not hired to teach sex education. There may have been a tremendous misunderstanding as to the actual curriculum of the course, if that was indeed the case.

She was taken to the Principal's office, where she had to be detained by staff until police arrived. From what I understand no one is quite sure what happened to her pants, as they had to find a pair of shorts to put on her while waiting for law enforcement.

Police said she admitted she had been drinking, and she was arrested for public intoxication. Although they found a cup in her car that smelled of vodka, there were no witnesses that could verify she was guilty of drunk driving.

I've heard of rough first days. This one is a doozy.

Of course, if I were hired to teach kids today, I might show up drunk, too. It would be a terrific life lesson for the little kiddies. Study hard, go to college, keep your shoulder to the wheel, apply yourself, or you could end up back here with the thankless job of teaching young skulls full of mush.

Now before I hear from the school districts and teachers unions out there about the previous paragraph, let me say that I recognize teaching is a highly honed skill that requires immense patience and education. I just don't happen to possess any of those qualities. And this is just a farcical look at a ridiculous employment risk situation.

Put the rulers away and back off, before somebody (namely me) gets hurt.

The school district declined comment citing the fact that this was a personnel matter. However, there appears to be no clear idea of what the disciplinary actions will be. I must say, the people of Wagoner, OK appear to be the most forgiving people on the planet. The video news report accompanying the source story indicates that parents in the community are “outraged”, and hope that “at least a suspension” will result from this occurrence.

A suspension? From what? It was the very first day on the job, and she showed up drunk. She never even made it to her actual classroom. I would posit that one must have actually started a job in order to be suspended from it. Unless, of course, you are the CEO of a certain insurer in Oregon. Then I suppose it is possible.

At any rate, I would suspect that there is more going on with this particular teacher, and that professional help might be in order. I sincerely hope she gets it. I also hope that her new employer is not on the hook for providing it.

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