We discuss many types of jobs and injuries in this blog. Rarely though, do we find a job related injury to be intentional in nature while based in pure, raw emotion. This is the reality of today’s topic du jour. There is no easy way to say it, so here goes.

A self mutilating performance artist in Russia nailed his genitals to the ground in Red Square to protest what he sees as an encroaching police state. This happened on a national day of celebration, ironically called “National Police Day”, ultimately marring an otherwise festive occasion. He told a local TV station that he did this because “we are on the threshold of becoming a police state.”

I would’ve made a similar statement, except it would have come out as “I am in so much pain I cannot see”. 

Let’s think about this for a moment. He nailed his genitals. To the ground. It is a difficult concept to grasp. Normally hammers and testicles are not things one associates in a common thought or sentence. I hope he was a skilled carpenter. I know how much it hurts just hitting my thumb with a hammer. Also unclear, if I may so delicately approach this, is whether he nailed himself down with one nail serving as a common protest applicator, or if he went “full Monty”, and nailed, um, both Tiny and Lefty, to the ground with separate nails. 

If it was indeed a twofer, then my hat is off to him. A truly gutsy, manly man. I would have been unconscious halfway through the first. Actually, I would have been unconscious after the first swing, when I most likely would have missed that damn nail.

Police apparently removed him from the ground, took him to a hospital, and then into custody. There could be no better proof that they do not live in a police state. In a police state they would have bypassed the medical attention before taking him into custody. And they would’ve left his genitals nailed to the ground. Those police state guys are ball busters. Literally.

Ultimately Moscow police dropped charges of “petty hooliganism” and released him, most likely because they could find no one willing to bag the evidence. 

This same artist last year sewed his mouth shut to protest the jailing of his favorite girl band, Pussy Riot. That worked out well, since at least one of those band members has since been shipped to Siberia. 

Still, this guy may be on to something. This could be a way to really get your governments attention. I will suggest this to one of my blogger friends who is so concerned over the botched rollout of the Obamacare website. He could use this method to draw attention to the importance of fixing the exchanges and not screwing up the ACA – I mean any more than it is already going to be screwed up by its shear idiocy.

Personally I would just send a stern letter. Besides, when it comes to that particular topic, the government has beaten us to it. We’re already nailed down.