Recently Risk Management Monitor's Emily Holbrook wrote about the ten most dangerous jobs in America, based on information provided by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. In a quick summary, they were:

  1. Fishermen
  2. Logging workers
  3. Airplane pilots and flight engineers
  4. Farmers and ranchers
  5. Mining machine operators
  6. Roofers
  7. Sanitation workers
  8. Truck drivers and delivery workers
  9. Industrial machine workers
  10. Police officers

It is a competent piece, with many links to entertaining and amusing stories about how some workers in these categories met their untimely end. But I felt she did not go far enough, and that this topic deserved greater depth and analysis.

Therefore, I am pleased to announce the release of my exclusive list, “Bob's Top Ten Most Dangerous Jobs in the WORLD”. These are positions that are outside the normal areas of statistical quantification, but after careful analysis, intense scrutiny, and about 5 beers, can be certified as truly dangerous jobs.

Number 10: Donald Trump's Hair Stylist
I've seen him on a windy day, and that thing just does not look structurally sound. It could collapse at any moment on the unsuspecting stylists/structural engineers that toil beneath to give him that signature quaff.  My research revealed no evidence of any safety systems in place to protect them.

Number 9: Charlie Sheen's Publicist
Imagine having to tell Charlie Sheen to “Dial it back a bit”. The poor girl could get a set of Tiger Fang's right in the neck.

Number 8: President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez's, Translator
Okay, you try to explain to the world, with a straight face, what this idiot is babbling about. A person in this position who bursts into hysterical laughter on the job is in tremendous peril. Same holds true for rolling your eyes and making that crazy finger circle sign by your temple.

Number 7: President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Translator
See Number 8.

Number 6: Any Business Person Flying Commercial in Russia
Seriously, the planes in this country crash more often than Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's translator. The question in this country is not WHEN a plane is scheduled to arrive, but IF a plane is scheduled to arrive. Russian pilots favorite motto; “Go by bus, ‘cause they left the vodka to us!”

Number 5: Moammar Gadhafi's Dress Maker
Really? I have to explain this one to you? See number 8 and number 7. Same principle.

Number 4: Defense Attorney for Julian Assange, that WikiLeaks guy
This is not a dangerous job, per se, but if I was this person I would want to kill myself.

Number 3: Any Person Running a Counterfeit Apple Store in China
Stray too far from acceptable norms and you could find yourself confronted by an all powerful, oppressive regime with no concern for human rights or international law, who swoops in to crush you like a bug and lay waste to your entire life, destroying the very essence of your being. And the Chinese government might come after you too. Nice try, genius.

Number 2: Michelle Obama's Vacation Scheduler
Admittedly, while this person logged about a million miles this year, this was not a dangerous job. However, it could prove quite treacherous in 2012. With the president running for re-election while we have rampant unemployment, a stagnant economy, Europe in turmoil and the Middle East in complete meltdown, someone is going to have to tell the first lady that “now would not be a good time” to fly 700 of her closest gal pal's off to Tokyo Disneyland for Mickey Bars and assorted teas. Someone will have to have the iron will to break the news, and clearly her husband is not up to the task.

And the Number 1 Most Dangerous Job in the World: Al Qaeda's Number 2 Man
I don't know his name, but this dumb bastard seems to get killed every week. Newspaper articles tell us he has been killed by drones, Army Rangers, Navy Seals, and a drunk driver in Pittsburgh. He was once run over by Sarah Palin's bus in Iowa. He's died in Iraq, Yemen, Afghanistan, and multiple times inside Pakistan. If I were one of Al Qaeda's “Number 3” dudes, I would definitely be holding back a bit. Spend a little more time at the water cooler. Miss that critical holiday detonation. Whatever it takes – this is a promotion you best not want.

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