One of the unstated goals of this blog is to help educate and inform people about new and innovative processes to improve workplace safety and efficiency. This is particularly useful to those of you who are too busy actually earning a living to waste massive quantities of time piddling around the web trying to fill your day. That is why I am here. You go on and work hard, producing something of value. I'll do enough piddling for the both of us.

Anyhoo, yesterday's extensive web piddle revealed a most unusual item. It seems a new stress management trend taking hold with some people involves extensive use of bondage/S&M techniques. People are now taking regular bondage sessions to help relax themselves. I would never have guessed it, but it turns out bondage is a “stress-buster”.

One twenty-one year old devotee from Brooklyn, said she “discovered ‘meditation bondage' at a kinky sexfest in Pennsylvania where she was tied up and suspended several feet in the air.”

Seems reasonable. I bet that happens a lot.

She explained further, saying, “I was shocked. I gave up control of my body and went into this meditative state. I felt completely disconnected with what was going on around me. I became unaware of my weight.”

That was probably because some other schlub was bearing it all, what with holding her up in the air and everything.

Another woman, who teaches bi-weekly bondage classes, said she likes to be bound for up to two hours, saying, “My favorite thing is to be hogtied — with my wrists and ankles attached from the back — and then being left alone. After my movement gets taken away, troubles and worries fade. I come out of it and feel as if I had been in a deep sleep. It's one of the times in which I feel completely rested. It goes beyond sexuality — way beyond it.”

I would say so. Sounds like it ventures into kidnapping, or worse. There was no mention about if she prefers to be tossed in the trunk of a car. 

You can read the rest of their guilty pleasures here. What the source article failed to do, however, was connect the dots to where this new technique could really make a difference. Why wait to go to some strange place to have your stress beaten out of you? What better place than the location that causes it? If you want to control stress, go to the source. We could incorporate this bondage concept directly into the office environment, making workplace stress a thing of the past. 

It is, if I say so, a stroke of brilliance. Instead of being simply tied up with no place to go, employees could be strapped or tied to their desk. Roaming whip masters could walk the floor, helping those not producing enough get beyond the stress that is clearly holding them back. Break room floggings could supplement the in-cubicle bondage therapy, making sure any stress not obliterated during the course of the work day did not go home with the employee.

Man, this move will make for one Camp Happy Workplace. I bet people in the office will not be able to thank you enough for helping them reduce their stress. Personally, I can't wait to get started, and thanks to Amazon Prime, we can be up and running in just two days. My employees will be thrilled.

I don't know about you, but I feel better already.