I have been noticing that many writers, pundits and experts in the workers' compensation arena have been issuing their predictions for the New Year, in the form of a “Top Ten” list or similar variant. I am not sure why it is always ten items, but it is. Perhaps it is a union rule I am not aware of. Nonetheless, these people always reach into their well of knowledge and analytic skill to compile and convey what they believe will happen in the New Year within our industry.
Not to be outdone, and never actually having had an original thought, I have decided to publish MY Top Ten Predictions for the Year 2012.
I have conducted extensive research, interviewed hundreds of people, pored over a multitude of publications and statistical reports. None of that information was used to generate these predictions. Instead, I relied on my gut instincts, and two bottles of wine, to create what I believe to be spot on predictions – things you can count on happening in the year 2012.
I should mention, don't count on a damn thing listed here. Do not make any investment decisions based on these prognostications. They are merely conjecture from an incompetent boob. My lawyer made me write this paragraph.
So, without further ado, I present my Top Ten Predictions for the Year 2012:
- 2012 will be longer than the average year
In fact, I predict it will be a full day longer, with 366 days instead of the anticipated 365.
- The Work Comp Analysis Group will reach 1 Bazillion members
Burdened by the excessive weight of membership, the LinkedIn group managed by Safety Nationals Mark Walls, will unexpectedly break free from its moorings and drift out to sea. It will last be seen heading in the general direction of Tahiti.
- Technology will continue its relentless march
The workers' compensation industry, which prides itself on its use of cutting edge, innovative technologies, will discover that the internet is on the computer now. Some in the industry will launch an aggressive, 10 year implementation plan, or at least put together a feasibility committee, to exploit, or at least study the potential to exploit, this stunning new capability.
- Mark Walls will be crowned King of Tahiti
Having proven himself a true leader by vowing to “go down with his ship” after learning it was headed to Tahiti, Walls safely guides the runaway WCAG to that island paradise, where he is hailed a conquering hero. Given a hero's welcome and a key to the city (presuming Tahiti HAS a city), Walls vows to leverage the WCAG and oversee the repopulation of the species.
- Florida will fix its pill mill problem
Facing severe budget cutbacks and fiscal challenges, the State of Florida discovers that selling Oxycodone on the street at $80 a tab is a quick way to stop the fiscal bleeding. The state bypasses the middlemen, and starts selling the drug directly to its addicts, creating an enormous cash influx while simultaneously eliminating its pesky pill mill problem.
- Congress will nationalize workers' comp
But it will only be for 8 weeks, until after the Easter break when they return and take up the debate once again. They will ultimately fail in agreeing on an extension; similar to how they fail at virtually everything they do. A commission will be appointed, comprised of an even amount of diametrically opposed members. President Barack Obama will travel the nation between vacations and rounds of golf, urging somebody to do something. Ultimately we will be returned to the states, tired, hungry, and wet, but none the worse for wear. Congress will vote itself a raise – the one thing they can seem to agree on.
- Sedgwick will buy Joe Paduda
After full consolidation, the new subsidiary will be renamed Paduda Joe's, and will feature industry observations, critical insight, experience based wisdom, imported cheeses, gourmet groceries and Two Buck Chuck by the truckload. David North, president and CEO of Sedgwick, will be quoted as saying, “Well, we'd bought everything else. It was this or those guys at WorkersCompensation.com, and frankly we're not even sure what it is they do.” Unfortunately, Paduda's position will be eliminated in the merger.
- From Bob's Cluttered Desk will be successfully censored
Mark Walls, Joe Paduda, Sedgwick, and retailer Trader Joe's will successfully obtain a court order preventing me from ever mentioning their names again. Trader Joe's will also refuse to continue fulfilling my monthly case allotment of Two Buck Chuck.
- WorkersCompensation.com will be sold for $45 Billion
The sale will close on December 20, 2012, making me a very wealthy man. Several others here, who have toiled in near poverty for over a decade in hopes of eventual financial reward, will also see their dreams realized.
- The Mayan Calendar will be proven accurate
The world will end on December 21, 2012. The irony will not be lost on those of us here at WorkersCompensation.com.